I Hate My Husband For Cheating Me – Advice & Help
Feelings of hate and resentment apart from the hurt and the pain are the first emotions wives go through when they come to know that their husbands have cheated on them or that they are having an affair. So to say and feel “I hate my husband” is a common emotion at this point in your relationship and marriage.
Lot of wives are so much filled with hate and aversion that they don’t even wish to see them eye to eye and quite a few of them can’t even stand in the same room with them.
Are you asking yourself as to, what you are going to do right now? Where is my marriage headed? The sight of my husband makes me sick and I hate him and wish him hell.
I can totally relate and understand your feelings. But you must also be very much aware that the feelings of hate and aversion you have for your husband can be a lot destructive to your marriage and relationship. Though at this point in time all your hatred is directly on your husband, but it will most certainly come back and hurt you.
Also I agree that you are absolutely and truly entitled to have all these feelings, but also know that what is really going to make you feel better is not lashing out at him and hating him but healing yourself from the hate and trying to understand the reasons behind the cheating and affairs and figure out things to solve those issues.
The negative feelings you have for your husband will not get you anywhere you wish to be in the longer run, but can only assist you in venting yourself off. Also too much of this and holding on to them for a longer run can be really detrimental to your marriage.
So we need to find ways and solutions so that we can move past the hate we have for our husbands.
Do you hate your husband? OR,
Do you hate the feelings his actions has given you?
The reason for the hate towards our husband is mainly because of the feelings of hurt, pain and betrayal his actions have produced. Lot of we wives fail to realize for a long time. So understand that what we really hate and detest more is the way our husband’s cheating and affair has made us feel.
Also once we know of this, a lot of fears and insecurities pop up. At times it makes you feel angry with yourself and at times it makes you feel stupid as you had ignored all the warning signs before. And you might be asking yourself why didn’t I take some action and steps to prevent this?
Such is the enormity of the situation that it’s really difficult to stop feeling the way we are feeling right now. And we direct all the feelings of betrayal, feel and self-doubt that we have towards him. He might surely deserve all of your wrath because of the wrong that he has committed.
So the question now is, are you give space for him to be remorseful and chance to rectify him. Or does every single thing he does now is a mistake and wrong in your eyes. Are you allowing him the possibility of redeeming himself from his mistakes and giving him an environment to do that?
Know that in a lot of case the husband will also feeling the shame, the pain and the hurt his actions has caused you. But you holding on to the negativity will only create more problems in your marriage.
Let any of your actions not slow the healing process.
Try to understand and acknowledge the fact that there is a lot of difference between hating your husband personally and hating the things he has done to you. Please don’t hate just for the act of betrayal. Know that you loved him before you knew this, so an act of madness and misjudgment should not be responsible to turn the love you had for your husband into hate. Agreed that you are disappointed; deal with this disappointment and hurt and don’t let this turn into hate and resentment.
Through it takes time to forgive his wrongs, start the process and keep reminding yourself that you loved this man before he mad this awful choice/decision. Remind yourself of all the positive and good qualities you like about your husband and try to cancel out his wrongs. This certainly is not an exercise his faults, but to give our self the first steps to recovery and healing.
Gradually you will start to realize that you did not hate your husband as your spouse, but you just hate the choice he had to cheat on you. Do this and hopefully you will see the difference between the two.
Putting any of these might not be an easy task to start with and there lots of helpful methods and guides that will lead you through. There are some really good and proven ways to save your marriage from any kinds of troubles, issues, hate and infidelity. Please get them and get benefitted. All the best for all your positive efforts.
Preserve yourself in spite of all your hardships:
Keep in mind that in the end, the true healing and overcoming the feeling of hate and resentment towards our husband comes down to self-preservation amidst all the issues and problems you are going through in your marriage.
Don’t let yourself drown into these feelings, just to one day realize that you were so clingy to all your feelings that it had choked off all the peace, happiness and joy out of your wedding that you deeply deserved but was not experiencing.
So love yourself more than you hate your husband, this is a very beneficial thought process to leave off the hate.
Even if you feel like you want to beat the hell off your husband, I will be just you who have to deal with all the feelings and you have to eventually let them go if you want to truly heal yourself. Keep in mind that its really about trying to want what is best for yourself more than you wanting to hang on to all the hurts, pains and the hate. Also realize that at some point in time YOU have to move on. I certainly agree that this will take its own time, but the bigger question her is, are you taking steps for that and how much involved you are on these efforts.
The most important thing to do her is to make a conscious decision to separate the feelings you have for your husband and the feelings you have about your husband’s act of infidelity. This surely is a challenge and will not happen overnight. But make up a decision and come to a conclusion that you will be a lot more open to your husband’s attempt to make things right again and get into a constant dialogue with him in the recovery process.
For some women who are more emotional than others, the process can be a little long but remember that separating the act from the person is the first step in the right direction to bring back the peace and happiness in your relationship.
I very well know that trying to heal your self from his affair, overcoming the hate and resentment, and to forgive him for his wrongs is difficult. But it will be truly worth it. Personally in my case, it look a lot of work and patience as I was almost into depression, but I can happily say that my marriage is a lot stronger now than it ever was. Now looking back I am really happy for the effort I put it both emotionally and mentally, and I am really fortunate not to let my emotions and hurt make any irreversible damage to my relationship and marriage. My bond, communication and intimacy is really strong with my husband now and I have a lot of self-worth and esteem. I can very confidently say that my husband will not cheat me again, as he also got to know a lot about the love and care I have for him.
Filed under: Hate My Husband
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